Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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