After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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