Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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