I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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