Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm jealous of your bromance
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize