It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
