I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
