Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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