...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
