oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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