I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
