i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
