I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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