The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
