I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
