its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
