apparently the secret to your success is patron
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Come share oat with me in your robe
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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