I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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