does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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