No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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