So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
