why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
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