They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
