Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
