so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
