I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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