It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
