This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
