I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
