I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
