True but thats because hes a fetus.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
