i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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