i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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