I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
