So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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