There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
