The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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