dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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