these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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