It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
