tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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