I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
