he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize