He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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