every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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