he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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