oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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