My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
