So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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