I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize