In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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