The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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