a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
