I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
