I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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