You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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