I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
