I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
