fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
