I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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