It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
