Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
