well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
