Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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